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| Photographs © Angelo Merendino |
The first time I saw Jennifer I knew. I
knew she was the one. I knew, just like my dad when he sang to his
sisters in the winter of 1951 after meeting my mom for the first time,
“I found her.”
A month later Jen got a
job in Manhattan and left Cleveland. I would go to the city – to see my
brother, but really wanting to see Jen. At every visit my heart would
scream at my brain, “tell her!!” but I couldn’t work up the courage to
tell Jen that I couldn’t live without her. My heart finally prevailed
and, like a schoolboy, I told Jen “I have a crush on you.” To the relief
of my pounding heart, Jen’s beautiful eyes lit up and she said “Me
too!”
Six months later I packed up my
belongings and flew to New York with an engagement ring burning a hole
in my pocket. That night, at our favorite Italian restaurant, I got down
on my knee and asked Jen to marry me. Less than a year later we were
married in Central Park, surrounded by our family and friends. Later
that night, we danced our first dance as husband and wife, serenaded by
my dad and his accordion – ♫ “I’m in the mood for love…”♫
Five
months later Jen was diagnosed with breast cancer. I remember the exact
moment…Jen’s voice and the numb feeling that enveloped me. That feeling
has never left. I’ll also never forget how we looked into each other’s
eyes and held each other’s hands. “We are together, we’ll be ok.”
With
each challenge we grew closer. Words became less important. One night
Jen had just been admitted to the hospital, her pain was out of control.
She grabbed my arm, her eyes watering, “You have to look in my eyes,
that’s the only way I can handle this pain.” We loved each other with
every bit of our souls.
Jen taught me to
love, to listen, to give and to believe in others and myself. I’ve
never been as happy as I was during this time.
Throughout
our battle we were fortunate to have a strong support group but we
still struggled to get people to understand our day-to-day life and the
difficulties we faced. Jen was in chronic pain from the side effects of
nearly 4 years of treatment and medications. At 39 Jen began to use a
walker and was exhausted from being constantly aware of every bump and
bruise. Hospital stays of 10-plus days were not uncommon. Frequent
doctor visits led to battles with insurance companies. Fear, anxiety and
worries were constant.
Sadly, most people do not want to hear these realities and at certain points we felt our support fading away. Other cancer survivors share this loss. People assume that treatment makes you better, that things become OK, that life goes back to “normal.” However, there is no normal in cancer-land. Cancer survivors have to define a new sense of normal, often daily. And how can others understand what we had to live with everyday?
Sadly, most people do not want to hear these realities and at certain points we felt our support fading away. Other cancer survivors share this loss. People assume that treatment makes you better, that things become OK, that life goes back to “normal.” However, there is no normal in cancer-land. Cancer survivors have to define a new sense of normal, often daily. And how can others understand what we had to live with everyday?
My
photographs show this daily life. They humanize the face of cancer, on
the face of my wife. They show the challenge, difficulty, fear, sadness
and loneliness that we faced, that Jennifer faced, as she battled this
disease. Most important of all, they show our Love. These photographs
do not define us, but they are us.
Cancer
is in the news daily, and maybe, through these photographs, the next
time a cancer patient is asked how he or she is doing, along with
listening, the answer will be met with more knowledge, empathy, deeper
understanding, sincere caring and heartfelt concern.
“Love every morsel of the people in your life.” – Jennifer Merendino
To honor my late wife Jennifer, who passed at the age of 40 from metastatic breast cancer, I have started The Love You Share, a non-profit organization whose mission is to provide financial assistance to women in need while they are receiving treatment for breast cancer. Fifty percent of the net profits from sales of my book will be donated to The Love You Share. I cannot think of a better way to honor Jennifer's legacy than by helping others.
Available in English, Italian, Spanish, French, German and Russian.
(Note that if you are hoping to view the book on an iPad, be aware that
audio and visual elements will not function. Click HERE to purchase iPad version.
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